truth, beauty, freedom and ... ?

So, that’s it?

It reminded me of my trip to Paris. Disappointing, anti-climactic, overrated. Paris was supposed to be this romantic city of love and promise, of beauty and splendor, of excitement and dreams. But what I found there was a crude smell that I can still sense today inside my Paris memories, people so rude they could not even afford to smile at someone they knew—much less an American stranger, and a public transportation system so complex that I found myself constantly fearful of getting lost inside or, worse, being underground with a bomb. The romanticism was certainly present in the Louvre, the restaurant owners were generally friendly and understanding, and Mom and I eventually figured out the Metro System on our way back through Paris; but the heart of the city was not love. It was something of selfish motivation, or an overly zealous (so much so it was uncouth) determination.

Not that I was looking for love last night. But I was looking for excitement, to see what all the hype was about, to discover something new about myself and my peers, and maybe, to actually enjoy myself.

I didn’t actually have such high expectations. But, my expectations were not as low, perhaps, as they should have been.

I wasn’t excited—not even for a moment. I was apathetic pre, current, and post, and somehow, apathy translated to misery.

I still don’t know what all the hype is about, and I don’t think I ever will.

The only thing new I discovered about myself is that I should stay away from things like this; and the only thing new I discovered about my peers is that they know how to do a lot more than just booty dance.

Enjoying myself was pretty much a lost cause even before it all started. There are just certain people in this world who will keep you from enjoying yourself, no matter how much you don’t want it to get to you. It always does. It always wins.

So, I guess that’s it.

God bless,


Anonymous said...


i love you.

-- elyssa

tori said...

weswie! :(

well i hope you at LEAST had a little fun getting ready w/ lauren and me. because that was, basically, the most fun part of the evening. that included you, of course. but i'll try not to be bitter that you sat in tiffany's lap most of the time and ignored me. :( lo que sea.

you should have had NO expectations. like me. made everything a bit better. also, you shouldnt have expected the hype to be explained. im sure WE could never explain to them the sheer joy that is staying home and reading a book on a friday night. :)....? you'll feel better later. i promise. you+me time real soon, k?