why can't i find you?

When did life become so confusing?

Nothing is simple anymore. Nothing at all. Nada.

It’s true, though. I get home from wherever at 9:00, and I make myself some frozen macaroni and cheese, and it turns into this whole ordeal about who has already eaten and who hasn’t and why they want to eat my dinner and why they should dirty another dish rather than eat out of the container, especially when I’m the one who’s going to be doing the dishes anyway.

And, somehow, whenever we’re assigned a group project at school, something goes drastically wrong within my group. It’s all of this stupid technology nowadays, I swear. Last time, my camera died and we had to completely change our plans. This time, the camera looked like USB, but when I got it home, I found out that it was not; rather, it was Firewire—some new hookup that’s apparently better than USB. As far as I’m concerned, it’s stupid, because just when everything is USB, they come out with something new. I am beginning to loathe technology.

And then there are boys. Who just make me want to…I don’t even know. I’m over him, completely and entirely (for those of you who don’t know), but it doesn’t make me notice him less. Or be annoyed by him any less. Or want to please him any less. I feel very relieved to be from the bondage of crushing for the time being (note: I find crushing totally obnoxious and a waste of time, however, inevitable), yet things would be so much easier if I could simply be relieved of him. Sadly, things don’t work that way. They’re determined to be confusing.

I just miss the days of simplicity. The days when I could sit outside in the front year and read for an hour; the days when friendships consisted of “coming over” and playing American Girl dolls and Barbies; the days when dinner meant sitting down with the family and talking about our days, and not talking about current politics; the days when to live meant to breathe, to breathe meant to laugh, and to laugh meant to love.

I’ve been exhausted lately. Have stayed up past 12 (sometimes until 2:30) every night since Friday. Someone please tell me how I am still functioning?

Christmas Extravaganza tomorrow, at 7. I’m excited about performing. :)

God bless,

1 comment:

victoria leigh said...


i know what you mean. i myself have faced the trauma of increasingly sophisticated technology. i got this software that was supposed to let me convert vhs to dvds (trying to restore our disintegrating home movies) and after messing w/ the stupid thing for HOURS (instead of doing homework) i figured out that it required one of the new usb 2.0 ports and our "old" computer from 2000 only has a usb 1.1 port. :blink: heaven forbid. i swear. so i took the thing back. it would be $50 to upgrade the usb port. someone metioned a firewire but i didnt even want to MESS with that stuff anymore.

and i TOTALLY know what you mean about being sick of talking about politics. my mom ALWAYS has the fox news channel on and she tells me EVERYTHING that happened and we have to talk about it and stuff. it stresses me out. i hate politics more than anything in the world. even ap prompts. no joke. lol. now THATS serious.

well i am going to wrap up what is quite possibly the longest most unnecessary comment in the history of comments. why i typed out this long comment rather than just tell you on aim because we're talking on there anyway? i guess we'll never know. :)

anyway. cheer up, love. and get some sleep because, frankly, i think sleep deprivation is about 75% of your problem lol. ok. so go. quit reading this. and SLEEP!