It's been odd for me this year, although it's the beginning (of the school year, anywho) in a lot of different ways. The school year started off strange not being a freshman. It took me a while to figure out what being a sophomore meant and to put it into perspective. And now, at dance, things are even stranger. This is my third year in the highest level, and now, I'm one of the best. I don't mean to sound conceited, but now that all of those super good seniors are gone, I am in the better percentage of the class. And, its frustrating. I feel like I have no one to really look up to, no one to push myself with or to aspire to. Instead, I'm making sure I look my best for the girls just coming up to advanced ballet; and, believe it or not, it takes a lot less work.
When I was at Arts Triumphant full time in 7th grade, Miss Yvonne put me in Pavlova, the highest level. At the beginning, it was awful. I was always behind, I was certainly not as advanced as the rest of the class and I was constantly intimidated by the other students. There were 23 year olds in my class. I didn't know what in the world I was doing there. And then, after three months or so, it clicked. I finally got it. My flexibility came, my brain started processing the combinations, I picked up on things quicker, I was doing the hard stuff like I'd done it all my life. And, it was because I was being pushed. Everyone around me was better, and there was no where I could go but up. All I wanted was to be as good as everyone around me.
But now, I'm one of the people that younger girls look up to. And, as cool as it is, it's frustrating because I feel like I have no where to go. I'm not a good enough dancer to be looked up to, and just because I'm "looked up to" doesn't mean I can't get better. So, I feel as if I'm kind of stuck at this place of not being able to go anywhere. And, this doesn't just apply to dance. It applies to a lot of my life too.
We had P&P again today...ah, I can't even describe how awesome it is. I just love how God is using our generation. Even something as simple as a small worship outside of school one morning a week-it's incredible the power that goes into that. His love is so abounding for us, you guys. I pray that each and everyone of you recognize that. :)